Mourning?

Yesterday, I attempted to write a blog about going back to school but just didn't have the right words. To be honest, I had a horrible day. It seemed like I was in a dream or something and literally everything I tried to do was a mess! Today was much better, and I can somewhat get a handle of the range of emotions I have felt the past few days! The word that keeps coming to mind is MOURNING!

I use to think I was a girl that handled change well, but the more I learn about myself, I realize that is not the case! I am not one of those mommy's who jumps at the chance to send their kids off to school. As a matter of fact, I always feel this same sense of mourning when our kids go back to school after a fun-filled summer. I love lazy mornings, days at the pool, couch-potato days, traveling, and all of the fun stuff that goes along with summer. So, now that I am back in school also, it is just that same sense of sadness. I am mourning the losses I feel right now! I want my kids!!!! I want to be able to pick up Britt from school so she doesn't have to get on the bus. I want to be here when Maddie gets off the bus and watch her hug her friends. I don't want to take Radlee to school at 8 in the morning. I don't want to be gone from 5-8 on Wednesday nights. I don't want to rely on other people to take my kids to and fro and keep them for 30 minutes in between. O.k. crying now!!!!

Then I stop and remember..........You may be thinking, well why are you choosing this? Yes, it is a choice, but in many ways it is not. Neither one of us want to end up as Walmart greeters in our 60's......not that there is anything wrong with that if that is what you choose, but we don't want that. When we began to think about me going back to school, we both felt sure this was the direction God was taking us! We spent lots of time praying about this decision. We both knew there would be times when it would be hard. Yes, this semester is going to be a little hard, but it is only a little over three months. I have blogged before about how it is all about planning. I need to be disciplined in this area now more than ever. I need to take full advantage of time during the day to get my studying done so I don't have to do it at night. I can do this......in the long run it will be worth it for our family.......I know Jeff can't do his current job forever....(it is very hard on his body)...... I know I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me......I know my family supports me.....I know I have the most amazing friends in the world who would do anything for me.....I know it is the first week and that is why I am more overwhelmed. O.k. I am done now...I am not going to proofread this because I don't care....This is my time to write freely and not be graded on it!! This is where I am today!